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I originally wrote an entire vent post in my DA account describing my illness and the impacts real-life problems gave to my Internet behavior, but nobody wanted to listen. And I feel like ending this myself so many times, because no one'd ever understand, but it is useless. So I am writing this post, because I need urgent help; a non-rantful, uncensored, friend-restoring, non-flame war-causing way to end this without making me furious!
The situation actually started over a year ago, when I started to get serious about my work. But I prefer to talk only about the present.
After realizing about the first parts of the situation, I wrote a vent I shared with my ex-friends. But two did not listen, and I even encouraged them to read again, yet the problem wasn't solved. They still wanted me to forgive them, when I already had the words to do so.
It happened again at Discord Chat; I wanted to solve the situation, but my mysterious mental illness didn't let me to... and I burst out as I would always do.
However, it has been ongoing since I had a rabid follower; I had to discontinue my Discord account because my chatrooms suddenly got flooded by stupid comments I would not even understand; I attempted to shut them up myself and make them sane, but they only said Speak English!, Where are the subtitles!? and stupid stuff like that, when I was being coherent and friendly (I have approved all and every single English subjects in all my school life, I watched too much Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer during my childhood, and, man, even I had extracurricular English classes, especially in Summer Break!). In moments like these, I would always be forced to get furious, even if I don't want to.
I have received so many rants ever since; I would always want to explain the situations, but they just do not listen; they don't know that my Internet problems come from real life!
Naturally, I have trouble making friends, and interact with society. I am about to conclude First Semester, and I may have good grades (even if not the best of the best in my classroom, but still only 9's and 10's Mexican system), but my only problem, was discipline; now, I do not shout curse words in real life (unless I'm VERY furious, yet that's very unlikely to happen, because, if I'd calculate my anger grades, only 5% means BALLISTIC TO DEATH!!!), due to my family education standards, but I get ticked off very easily. I take jokes way too seriously, and I am forced to calmly tell them to be quiet, even if they say It's just a joke! This has drastically influenced my Internet behavior. I have made several vents about this, but rants keep on evolving, and they're only making my illness more powerful.
But honestly, almost nobody ever cared about me just because I'm Mexican. In my country, we have been living several problems recently; delinquency, high violence, the repairs of the lethal damage that the Mexico City earthquake left, and especially is in my state where there has been insecurity. This was impacting my illness in some way; fear has made me feel less motivated than I'd normally should, and it has been turning into anger.
Yet so many people have never understood, and only told me to get the HELL out of the internet only because of my attitude, when I only want to share my works, and get to know others'; but I've had so much issues, related with socializing, and with controlling my illness, making me more of a marginated artist than someone, at least known; my talent may be tolerable, but my behavior isn't.
I've lost a friend recently; and just because of my illness; I get too serious when somebody comments on my work (it's not mandatory, though), and I am careful when...
-It only has one word. One-word comments are not helpful.
-It's comparing it with something else, not related with the design UNLESS I state in the description that it's inspired from such thing.
-It is a negative comment from someone that doesn't know how to criticize. I love criticism, as long as it's not harmful or rabid.
Most people just do not know I have some mental illness; and I know it can't be autism, simply emotional issues, or any other that directly affects and 'controls' the emotions. I must wait until my exams are over (concluding the semester, and take me to Winter Break as well), so I can ask my parents to take me to an accurate diagnosis; yes, my father is a well-recognized doctor across my city, but he's a cardiologist; and I went to two psychologists, but the situation, in real life, is not solved.
Unfortunately, I am scared on telling the true story to my parents and my brother (which is 5 years older than me), with the fear they might force me to shut down all my media accounts, and strict my talent forever. I just... can't tell them about it, not even when I have nothing to do. Only school knows about my situation, but not even the psychologist himself or my teachers (mostly those that are close friends) got a true remedy for it. I felt like they didn't like me at all.
I just can't have the attitude of a true 15-year old girl. I am in Preparatory, supposedly more disciplined, yet it was all the opposite; my classmates only spend their time ticking me off, and have constant headaches. My illness is becoming more powerful when they least notice it; one single comment could lead me to expulsion! And I don't want this to happen; as I stated before, socializing is my only school issue, grades aren't.
I don't want to be against something I actually do, but if I resist on getting furious, I will only have a headache that will not let me focus on the class.
I, can't... I just... can't find a solution myself, not even in real life. I could just have been a waste of space, and would have focused my entire life in videogames, but that's useless; I exist for a reason. But I can't just trust anyone... I don't really think I can have help... because my illness will only make me refuse, and I would be an entire waste everywhere.
This post is SERIOUS. Please do not post stupidity or anything not related to the topic.
If there is a reason why I use the internet, is to share my work, and for people to discover it. That is obvious.
But. If there is something I despise more than rabid followers praising to me as if I were her GODDESS (remember I do not like being treated as something else), it's being spammed with the same invites (even if from different people) to contests, over and over again...
Well, guess what; someone just sent me a message that is just an invite to receive reviews of my latest song, Sprung Away. And I declined it, not because I lacked of time, but because I AM SICK AND TIRED OF RECEIVING INVITES TO DESPAIRING MUSIC CONTESTS! I mean, with one or two is fine, but... scattered through most my music library? UNACCEPTABLE.
Now, I do not hate being invited; for me it's okay, and I can decide if to accept it or not. However, with so many SoundCloud comments and messages regards invites to music contests, IT'S JUST TOO FAR!
And, I am not gonna lie to you (and I don't say it); True artists do what they like for FUN, not for FAME. I follow this.
And I don't care if people transform what they like to do into a PROFESSION, and they only do it FOR MONEY.
If I make music or draw something, it's because I really enjoy doing it (despite several struggles), and this is what I mean when I say that people that know how to use social media do it because they like it.
Now, just because I'm saying this DOESN'T mean I don't want to be famous at all. I want to be a natural Internet user. All I ever wanted is a normal Internet life.
Sure, I can have my positive and negative reviewers, and that's okay; when it's possible, I love criticism, and thanks to it, I express myself, with the reasons why I like something, and why not. I can help known people to improve, and unknown to get more used to be in the media, even if I am practically an advanced amateur (sorry if I am sounding ironic, but it's true; I am good at what I like, yet very few know about my capablilies, but they must discover it by natural).
So, guys; if you even see this, just understand that I use the internet and post my work, because I like doing it. I have never done anything for the money. Comments are not obligatory; but if someone comments, please... express your likes and dislikes about my work. But just, do not compare it with pre-existant stuff, and stop saying I am not original; I have too much inspirations, and that's what I love; receive inspirations of every kind. As I stated some months ago; I would never steal stuff and claim it as my own. And if I forget to ask for permission to share ChoonieLaster fanart to another site... it's because I want people to know others' capabilities. If you will rage, I will not delete the post. It came to stay.
I do not know what am I writing. I do not know what is this. All I know, is that I have lost my mind after school and I forgot about fun.
I know I may not be prepared enough to finally announce an album, yet after that playlist I firstly created in my SoundCloud account (be sure to check it out as well! https://soundcloud.com/theauthentic-choonielaster ), I finally decided to finally announce it here (please do note that in the album, some songs have different names; it's still the same song, though);
Layton - A ChoonieLaster album
It has been only a decade, and puzzles just got harder than ever. Nobody dared to succeed in any of those, because they were creepy. Fear over those problems just made stuff worse... until now! CHOONIELASTER'S Layton presents, with no fear and no embarrassment, the puzzles that could not be solved, with all their answers found. Few, but long, tracks fulfill the world with the fear they had over them, while they do not appear scary at all. These puzzles are:
1.- Blood Analysis: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/741808
Submerged and from a twenty-seven year old female infected with an unknown pathogen, Blood Analysis perfectly states it's about a dangerous VIRUS. It spread undetected, but when people noticed about it, it was too late. The cure could not be fully developed, and everyone died. It is the tragic story of such virus, when it was struggling to spread. Until, it killed its last host; the last human in the world.
2.- Ink Machine: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/763711
Way back in the beginning of animation, there were so much issues. Especially, because someone was left alone in a studio. Suddenly, Ink Machine decided to work by itself. The storyboards were dripping away, until it formed a peculiar worm. A so-called Neurax Worm. Its only wishes were to manipulate and enslave humanity. But the ink was so limited, a demon had to be made. Teaming up, this track is the scary story of how everything was getting worse overtime.
3.- Distant Nightmares: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/756209
Centuries ago, one person was almost dead. Yet a sentient pathogen has been transforming it... and it raises again as a vampire! On those years, such human had Distant Nightmares that made it struggle to be awaken at night, and subjugate blood from people. This track recreates its story, from start to ending, when it either enslaved the world in darkness... or just kill everyone, making the vampire also die. Nothing left behind.
4.- Silent Start: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/760160
There does not appear to be much to say about this puzzle. Because of this, it is unknown why all the Nightmalabyssers had to have a Silent Start. It was part of them however, and of course, it was emotionless.
5.- Unsynthetization: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/755202
The song, found in the DNA of all and every single of the Nightmalabyssmers, cannot stay without a spot. Unsynthetization is more of a task about vice, restraining any positive emotion. Trust cannot be taken. It's an important part of the code, because if something wrong goes, it is broken, and the Nightmalabyssmers will die. Nobody knows how much does this means for them. But what if they cause a good change? They will then, and so, understand. But it still needs to kill itself, because they did not need him at all.
6.- Fatal Trigger: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/751973
Deep within the insanity of an amateur surgeon, the Fatal Trigger is turned on. It does appear to be innocent at start, but later, its power is unbound, and it is at this moment, when the blood thirst is conceded. It may save lives, despite they still end in the hospital, due to severe blood loss.
7.- Boundaries: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/753350
This last puzzle is also one of the most important too. It appears to be easy to break Boundaries with someone you have kept contact for a very long time. Nothing much, but it is a highly concerning situation. It may still be dangerous, however...
Who should be ChoonieLaster's mascot(s)?: http://www.strawpoll.me/13869776
Most of you may have noticed, that when I leave a review in an Audio piece, I do my best to be brief and concise. However, at the end, I use a metaphor that, may not be related to the Audio, but is still something I use to express myself, even with what I like. And even the response may be sort of confused, but based on the score, is accepted.
Yet I don't use metaphors just for positive reviews. I also get to use them for negatives, such as in 2 of the pieces that are (somehow) featured in the Audio Portal (you know which - they both last less than a minute) I did my best to give an excuse for a bad score, and despite the metaphor is also well applied, both reviews recently got deleted for a reason I do not know.
I clearly stated that the tracks did not sound well (then why are they...?), and even I got to apply the correct metaphors (based on my opinions), but this is something that does not fit my head. I do not use curse words (I censor them with a word of my choice, such as SPRINGING), I do not spam, I have never acted like a jerk, and I never post stupidity in social media.
The sayings Emoji after an overdose and ARMS rookie without the springs were the metaphors I utilized, and most do not find them wrong. Yet both were deleted. I may have said A disease struggling to spread and An Octarian during a trance in two other tracks (with a middle review), and they were accepted. It may not be related, but they're approved.
Yet even my songs express metaphors. It's too hard to say which, but with Ink Machine, my latest song, it's easy to say Bendy during a slaughter, despite no Bendy and the Ink Machine references are intended.
So, I hope you understand the kinds of metaphors I utilize, normally finding them similar to stuff I like, and what I see in the comments for some sounds in FL Studio 12, while I make a song. In fact, most the metaphors I utilize are inspired from such comments!... even if I use the stuff I find closest to resemble, or something I like.
You can read the rules there. However, contestants don't need to be DA members. You can also write your story, mention me, and link back to this post!
VENT. IGNORE IF YOU DON'T CARE.
I. I do not... I do not know how to start this.
First of all, I'm sorry. I know I'm getting very serious once again, and feeling like I should hurt myself. But it's all the truth that must happen. Even if you don't think so, you must accept it; If I tell someone to be an active follower, they'll just leave, thinking that I will kill them if they do not follow my rules. And, seriously. You may care, but I'm right when I say I am a monster myself. I have insulted so many, and received so many rants, as a payback. I deserve this. I deserve to be badly treated, and mostly, because I, in real life, am just a waste of space in this world.
Because, I'm suffering everytime creepier nightmares, all because of me also getting more serious in the 6 games I play the most. Because, I must. Even though on the outside I'm enjoying those games, on the inside, there is something that makes me feel uncomfortable, and so... I get triggered every time.
And, just, for the love of god. Do not comfort me. You must feel glad that I have so many issues recently.
As you know, I am scouted since I-don't-remember-when. And because of this, despite I don't receive reviews, my tracks are noticed, due to them being in the New Audio, when I get to post one. And some even have downloads, which is something I permit.
However, despite I also allow the External API use, which means that my music can be used in Geometry Dash, somehow, when I enter the ID of one of my songs, it instantly marks as Song is not allowed for use. I don't steal music, I make my own, of course. And nobody has revoked my scout, because... well... if it wasn't for the scout, I would not have received the notice I have, and the downloads wouldn't have happened.
And, well, you know, some Dashers have used music they made themselves (like Lemons and SirHadoken) in the game, with no restriction, and I wanted to do something like that myself, with my own music, but the game does not allow me to do so. I cannot find the reason why this happens with me, and despite I feel like I should, I didn't want to contact RobTop... it only remains he hasn't approved my music to be in the game (I remember he said that, regards approving music, depending on the originality, and the Dasher that posted such song)
He doesn't even know I exist in the GD community. Almost nobody in the entire game knows my existence in the game itself (I say almost nobody, because... you know), and I always wanted to make a 100% original level with a song I made myself, yet... it appears to be useless.
Hi, I'm ChoonieLaster, creator of Soak Speed.
So, I had this in mind for a very long time, but until now that I received enough DA appreciation, it's time to share some of the coolest works around featuring my characters!
Before we start, and before any rants enter in mind, have in mind that I properly credit the original artist, and of course, I link back! Most artists showcased here come from DA, so it's easy to give them a shoutout!
Without anything else to say, let's start.
1.- Cara Mala Cout and Crust (by ShyviTheShy) http://fav.me/dbdiey4
This is a recent drawing I received from a fellow DA friend, Shyvi. I already received a small hint in a status post of hers, and today, after I came back from school, I saw this. Other of the hints were that, I'm not gonna lie to you; my character Cara Mala is one of Shyvi's favorite fan characters. I couldn't doubt on that, it's for sure. But yes, apparently, this is one of the cutest stuff I received. Cara Mala may be mostly insane, but when she's not, she emitts a cutesy smile. And well, speaking of Crust the Pizza Cutter... that eye is just making him a cutie. I may have stated it before in here, but I'm stating it again; Cara Mala Cout, alongside Crust, and the Living Tools, are my Amateur Surgeon fan characters.
2.- Shadow Plague by X-Neewollah-X http://fav.me/db6d68o
For those who don't know what I mean with Shadow Plague, in this case, I mean, my design of one of the Special Disease Types from Plague Inc. And, if you don't know what I mean with Plague Inc, it's a game that I highly recommend! It's literally infectious! (despite it costs money). However, sticking on the drawing, and my custom design of the mentioned before Pathogen, I basically had an AT with Neewollah, and despite I had to be specific on which character I would pick for her to draw, I could go for any character of hers. And well, after a good while since I did my part, she did hers. When I saw the drawing... I couldn't believe what I was seeing; my version of Shadow Plague, described as she should be; Shadowy, somewhat cruel, dark, and... biohazardous, that's evident. But I basically loved her intimidating face. The blue particles around her and the night background were also something that cautivated me. Shadow Plague is a sort of minuscule vampiress... and what a coincidence, the actual Plague Inc Shadow Plague involves vampires! But still, dark, and precious... owo'
3.- Scrubby by ShannonxNaruto http://fav.me/dbbj5fe
Scrubby the 'Great' Purple Shark is a character I should draw more frequently. Marine life is a rare interest of mine, and with more reason I don't stick on it often. However, this drawing, originally done as request, was a thing that gave me a better way to portrait my character; cute on sight, yet she does look menacing in some way; I mean, when I firstly saw the drawing, I thought she was giving an innocent, cutesy smile to the camera. On second thought, I think she's doing that to attack any prey that falls under her smile! Or, she would just run away. Scrubby is both scaredy AND menacing. And, you know... in real life, sharks normally do not attack humans. It's very rare when they do... unlike most movies about sharks. But that's something else. When I firstly saw the drawing, even I fell under the smile!
4.- Exploday by brenstar345 http://brenstar345.deviantart.com/art/Boonnnn-AT-647069522
Yes, I know I am crazy, and I'm sharing a drawing of a person I broke boundaries with. Because of reasons I'm not gonna tell, with the only fear she might notice this, and keep on... I don't know. VENTING ABOUT MY ATTITUDE, definitely. Thankfully, she's conserving this ferocious drawing of Explo in the site, so why not? Again, it started as an AT. I was a good friend of Bren in that time, and without doubt I finished my part... almost instantly, but considering time! And well, as usual, as most people, when drawing my characters, get to think stuff like: I didn't draw something like this before!, Choonie has some unique characters to share with the world!, This is an interesting character, I will try my best!, or stuff like that. But knowing my gray characters well, I'm sure that they have the most interesting personalities and/or appearances. So, I decided to tell her, to draw Explo. And, when I saw the drawing, I felt like a real Boom! game show Bomb; rising from the conveyor belt, with the water vapor (simulating smoke) being shot, and listening to the "Mega Money Bomb loaded!" thing. Because yes, Explo is the Mega Money Bomb... and he's a gray character. However, this drawing of Bren also gave me an idea regards the Bombs' designs; now, the symbol will be in BOTH sides, rather than just one. Remember the style of how Ponies have the Cutie Marks in both flanks? Well, this, but in the Bombs' sides!
5.- Momma by KizunaYui-Studios http://fav.me/db0m5jp
I'm not gonna lie to you; this is (at least for now) the most beautiful Choonieversal Fanart I've received in my ChoonieLaster life. Mostly, because, Momma itself is one of the most gorgeous characters I've designed. She was modeled starting the Mother Wisp from the DS version of Sonic Colors. With some obvious changes, like having an actual crown, having 8 tentacles rather than 4... if you know the original Mother Wisp, and compare her design with Momma, you know what I mean. But, back in the drawing, it was an unexpected event; I was Kizuna's 1000th watcher! The surprise was present when she commented on Momma's reference sheet (which is now replaced with a high-quality artwork, though), with huge excitement, because I helped her reach that milestone. Because of this, she asked me if she could draw Momma. I, of course said yes. And, when I got to see the drawing... it is as precious as the character itself is. The background and the way her name was written may remind of the reference sheet, but I'm fine with that. This is still something precious.
Don't forget; if you have some Choonieversal fanart you want me to see, don't hesitate, and make me see it! As well, if you want to do some Choonieversal fanart or tribute, please do so someday. I will feature it, as a special shoutout!